"TOO LONG"

June 14th is a significant day for me, for our family. Each year, we all move through it differently, as well as the days leading up to it and all those that follow. Leo and I were talking recently—it’s not that we hurt more on June 14th. We hurt! It’s not that we miss our daughter Meagan more or grieve her more on June 14th. We grieve! It’s that “June 14th” is engraved on our lives, on our hearts forever—as though a big branding iron took to it! June 14th is the day EVERYTHING changed.

We can’t close our eyes and wish it were different or would go away. We have to see it. We have to live it. We can’t skip the day like some buildings skip the 13th floor! We must go through it. We must go through because that is the way of life. For me, one step at a time. One hour at a time. One breath at a time as my mind recalls what I was doing at that exact moment back then. My senses heightened by sounds and sights and smells. Remembering…as the air around me thickens like velvet.

If you’ve suffered any kind of loss, you know the heart does not follow time. When people ask me how long has it been since Meagan was killed, I painfully say, “Too long.” How inadequate are numbers! “Too long” is exactly how my heart feels. It doesn’t matter if it’s been years, my heart aches!

And hopefully, as with me, if you suffer a “branded” day, you will at some point, in between the crashing waves, feel the presence of a loving Savior Jesus—One Who has experienced indescribable pain and understands deep sorrow. And you will allow yourself to exhale and fall into His arms of grace as He quiets your soul…again.

Psalm 23

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He refreshes my soul.”