STROKES OF GRACE
/Leo and I are celebrating our 37th wedding anniversary this week, and we posted that milestone on social media because it IS a miracle. At the same time, we are soooooo very aware the sting that it may cause some of our friends. I was thinking this morning, people need to know that it hasn’t been all glory and sunshine for us. Leo and I have had some serious fire and trials in our marriage, but GOD has seen to it that we never fell away from our commitment to HIM, nor to each other.
Let me paint a big canvas: we almost lost our son when he was a baby; we almost lost Meagan when she was a baby; we have suffered the suicide of Leo’s only brother just 3 months prior to the crash that took our daughter’s life and wrecked us! Within a short time after, we grieved through the divorce of immediate family members that tore through our family like a tornado. Do you see the canvas? It is bruised with colors representing pain and sorrow and confusion and loss BUT beautifully reflecting His Sovereign brilliant strokes of grace and mercy. We celebrate 37 years but are painfully and gloriously aware that it is ONLY by the grace of God!!
We all grieve differently and sometimes worlds apart. The first year of the crash, I lived in our bedroom unable to be downstairs where “life” once was. Leo couldn’t bear the deafening silence of our bedroom, so he spent his time downstairs where…“life” once was. Months into this tragic journey, he called a family meeting and said, “I know you and I are grieving differently but I need us to meet in the middle and commit to have dinner together every night at the dining table.” That was a game-changer. We were fighting to stay above the waves together.
Grieving so very differently, I cannot tell you how many times one of us threatened to run away to live in a cabin in the mountains. We finally came to a place where we had to commit to each other that we would not desert the other. And if we ran away, it would be together!
The canvas is ever-changing because HE is re-writing our lives. There remains the broad colors of pain and sorrow, but more so, the brilliant strokes of grace and mercy and redemption and His glory!
I hurt for so many that know this pain we know. But that’s what I want you to hear. Celebrate what you have to celebrate. But also know that life deals us some hard blows and that somewhere, to someone, your celebration will sting. Wedding, new baby, new job, new house—celebrations that may sting others. For instance, PLEASE do NOT let this stop you, but I struggle with family photo Christmas cards! Each one is beautiful like a rose with thorns. Does that make sense? We have not posed for a family photo since our tragedy and who knows when we will. And let’s not even talk about National Daughter Day! Gosh, what turmoil this brings because we have our wonderful youngest daughter, but I am also missing one! I am caught in the emotional chaos of how to celebrate the one without acknowledging I am missing terribly the other! So, I ignored the day. (Sorry Melody.)
Do you see where I am going? Life is sucky and it brings pain and heart-wrenching thorns, but it also brings newness, goodness, and glorious moments! So….our celebration is a testimony of God’s faithfulness in our storms—that even when we could not hold on any longer, HE NEVER LET GO OF US! (And, it doesn’t hurt that Leo is cute and has a beautiful heart!)
I love you people! Thank you for hearing me out. I hope above all, that you heard my heart, and it reflected the love of our Father. We are all in this together, and we have a hope the world cannot give—His name is JESUS!