In Her Shoes

Meagan and I wore the same size shoe, and over the years we would wear each other’s. We had our unspoken rules at heart: no squatting so that you crinkle the pointed toe; no driving with the right shoe on so that the heel gets marked by the floor mat or pedal; treat them as though they were your own; and always, always put them back in the box where you retrieved them.

Meagan is gone, seven years now. I have most all her belongings including her array of shoes. Sneakers to flat sandals, peep-toe high heels to boots—I treasure them all. And I wear them!

Over the seven years that I have been given the opportunity to share "Our Story" in public, I step into a different pair of her shoes and plead with GOD for every ounce of her gift of speaking that HE will allow me. And as I stand in her shoes, I hear her in my heart, "Misma, you can do this!" and I go forward and step into my purpose—oceans of deep grief touched by HIS hand of redemption.

I haven't run out of shoes yet. And HE, my Faithful, Sovereign Lord, has not loosened HIS hand upon me nor lessened the covering of grace over me. Everywhere I share "Our Story"—each venue, each school, each courthouse, each church, each interview, each taping, each camp, each Bible study, each mission trip, each conversation—HE has proven HE is ever-present, and HE will make me stand because HE is able! It has taken years...but I now see!

HE is able! Hallelujah!  And in my Meagan's shoes by HIS grace, I have stood in humility in a foreign orphanage, danced with villagers in the bush of Sierra Leone, walked in honor over Charles Bridge and into Prague Castle, ran through flooded waters in Pisek, walked with tenacity with M.A.D.D., and took the stand as the only witness at the State Hearing for "damages done to our daughter."  Tears, floods of tears.

In Meagan's shoes, I hear her whisper, "Misma, you can do this! OUR GOD is bigger!" Indeed, HE is!

So, those who have been concerned about my own personal walk, my own personal story, know that I have one! HE will "fulfill HIS plans for me." "It is GOD who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." Does it matter what shoes I wear to walk my purpose? For me, it does! HE placed "me" to witness Meagan's escape from this life on June 14th. HE placed "me" beside her to have her last words. I wear her shoes because it's symbolic yet soul-warming for me. I wear her shoes every time I speak because HE uses them to remind me, she is not gone as one would suppose but is still fulfilling her calling...and I get to walk with her.

In her shoes, I will climb mountains set before me, and face giants I never dreamed. Our GOD is indeed bigger than all this pain I carry. Our GOD is bigger than anything I have experienced and will ever suffer. REVELATION:  When HE gives one a calling, it doesn't necessarily end with the earthly death BUT can continue for generations! And sometimes, another's calling intertwines with your own, like in this case—mother and daughter, two lives, two hearts, ONE calling: to glorify the Lord and know Him better! What a revelation! What a privilege!

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for YOU, O Lord, are with me!" Psalm 23