THAT IS NOT YOURS TO GIVE

I wonder how many of us believe when we are in a crisis, going through a tragedy, or smack in the middle of hell, that God turns a blind eye to our actions and emotional outbursts. Or when we are living our worst possible nightmare, God excuses our ungodliness. Well, it ain’t so! Though our Sovereign God is more forgiving and merciful than we could ever think or imagine, HE is still Sovereign and Holy and Righteous…AND able to make us stand firm even when the earthquakes beneath us.

I was in the hospital after our tragedy and was completely lost. I thought all the things you would imagine, including, “God, what have You done!” My brain COULD NOT grasp the crash, the death of Meagan, the life I was somehow supposed to now live! I laid there in the midnight silence unable to rest my mind. I was in complete shock at what had happened a few hours prior and felt imprisoned in my own skin. I wanted out—out of everything but could hardly move!

Silence. I was crippled by the night silence. Then I heard that strong, powerful voice I loved for 30 years interrupt the turmoil in my head, but not as you would suppose! As with a holy pen My God etched His warning across my soul, “You will be held accountable for the words you speak, Rebecca.” WHAT?!

But I knew immediately, in all its fullness, what He spoke. I knew what was expected of me. And though my heart was shattered in a million fragments, and I was barely hanging on, I knew my mouth had the power of life or death. I could feel its power of life or death weighing at the tip of my tongue!! That moment, I determined NO soul would fall because of words from my mouth or pen. I would NOT go through this hell and be responsible for anyone turning their back on God because of anger, hate, bitterness, grief, doubt spewing from my lips or writings. I also knew He warned me against wounding my fellowman. He gave me NO excuse to bite at anyone just because I was injured and hurting. With this word of caution, I knew because He declared it that He would give me the power to walk in it!

Precious friends out of concern tried to assure me it was okay to “lose it” and be real; that God understood my pain and could deal with anything I threw out there; that God would understand and so would my friends, family, neighbors, etc. But with each concerned assurance, a holy anger would rise up in me! Yet, I would take a moment before responding, “That freedom is not yours to give me.”

You see, the Lord knew how critical His message was, and therefore, delivered it immediately following the tragedy. He made it clear that I would be held accountable for my words and actions during this terribly difficult journey. He made it clear that if I were a new “believer,” much grace would abound; but I had faithfully served Him 30 years at this point, and thus would be held to a different standard. I have taken this warning very seriously. God used hundreds and hundreds of people to lavish us with love, hope, and prayer over the years; but there were those rare occasions when I wanted to body slam a kind soul for saying something that was just so painfully stupid. (Sorry.) In those times, I learned to quickly excuse myself and cry it out to God—alone!

That brings me to my last point. Though God issued me a truth that night in the hospital, He has also been right there in the darkest hours with me, carrying me by His grace, loving me unconditionally. And in these times where it is just me and My God, things are very real and transparent and emotional—on both sides! He lets me cry and scream (NEVER at Him, I would not dare!), and hide in my world. But then there comes a holy moment when He beckons me to come out and fall in His loving arms until I can stand up on my own again. It is during these times in His arms that my storms subside, my pain becomes His, and I can see the sun, and make it another day.

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Ephesians 6:13 “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”

Provers 18:21 “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Matthew 12:37 “For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

Proverbs 13:3 “The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”

Colossians 4:6 “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Ecclesiastes 10:12 “Words from the mouth of the wise are gracious, but fools are consumed by their own lips.”

Psalm 103:1 “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name!”

Psalm 145:21 “My mouth will speak the praise of the LORD, and all flesh will bless His holy name forever and ever.”

Psalm 139:1-6 “You have searched me, Lord, and You know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue You, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before, and You lay Your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.”