A PRAYER I DON'T PRAY
/JOY. I don't pray for joy.
In the seven years since the crash, though I have prayed MORE than ever, I personally have not once prayed for joy—"joy", not "happiness" which is temporary and rootless. For seven years now, I have talked to God about this—there is simply no room in my heart for joy. Though I could quote many scriptures pertaining to joy and the power of it, joy is not my "run-to" when I am desperate for Jesus hour by hour. Praying for joy while my heart is grieving and broken, and I am fighting to stay above the waves each day, is like praying for sand when I need air. Over the years some have prayed for joy for me and, I confess, it angered me because my heart hurts so deeply.
"...love, joy, peace..." fruits of the Spirit. All glorious gifts from our Father, but my prayer-life is different since June 14th. My concern is, and has been, more about being Christ-like through this journey. My desire is to hear Him speak and to always be listening for His voice. My fear is that I will miss a divine assignment! Thus, my prayers are not about joy, but more about the condition of my heart, that He will quiet the storm within so I can hear Him, and that somehow He will use me for His purpose each day.
Recently, I shared my thoughts on not praying for joy with Leo. I completely expected a gentle response but was shocked to find that I rendered him speechless. After a few raw moments of silence, he began talking about the sovereignty of God, quoting scriptures I knew about joy, as in 1 Peter 1:8, "Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy;" Nehemiah 8:10, "for the joy of the Lord is your strength;" Romans 14:17, "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit;" John 16:24, "Until now you have not asked for anything in My name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." Paul even writes with a spirit of joy from within prison walls as in Philippians. And of course, Luke 2:10, "And the angel said to them, 'Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people.'"
Bewildered, I asked Leo if he personally prayed for joy and he confessed, "No," and added, "but I never thought about it. I sure never purposed in my heart NOT to pray for it."
My heart pounded within me. Clearly God was using my Leo to awaken me to a truth that I did not ever give ear to—that I have intentionally closed my heart to one of the gifts of my Father. And tears flowed...for who am I that I would put up my hand to HIM who saved me. How dare I even entertain such arrogance.
Rick Warren wrote, "Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation." I also found, "The joy of the Lord is the gladness of heart that comes from knowing God, abiding in Christ, and being filled with the Holy Spirit." In my processing the last few weeks, the Lord has prodded my heart to learn what HE wants me to understand about this gift of joy as I study HIS Word. So, I am on a journey of discovering "joy"!
My Sovereign Lord has set a challenge before me: I am to PRAY ABOUT PRAYING FOR JOY. As my first step, I am trying to keep my heart at HIS feet in faith that I will hear HIS voice. I don't want to hold back anything. I want ALL of HIM and what HE has to offer!
In sharing my thoughts on this prayer I don't pray, I have found I AM NOT ALONE! At first, I was relieved to not be alone, then my spirit grieved. How sad that there are prayers many of us are determine NOT to pray. Prayers to forgive and love someone who has hurt us. Prayers to serve in ways of His choosing. Prayers of obedience. Prayers of blessing on those we may find undeserving. Prayers to worship freely and unhindered.
What prayer do you NOT pray? You know, HE gets it. GOD understands the heart more than you think...because HE created it! I CHALLENGE you: Ask. Listen. Hear. Confess. Surrender. And let us witness the unfolding of Christlikeness in our hearts!!
Hebrews 12:2, "fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. For the JOY set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
