RESCUED IN THE BALCONY

I was in a desperate place, a place I never knew existed. I didn't want to wake up. I couldn't bear the day. I couldn't bear the night. I felt lost. I felt separated from My Lord. However, He proved yet again His faithfulness to His promise that His grace is sufficient because He gave me "manna" for the day in the measure I needed.

This particular day, I could not breathe. My brain simply could NOT wrap around the tragedy and seeing my daughter. I could not find God. I could not feel His presence. I could not sense ANYTHING except the pain wrecking my heart.

In my attempt to run away, I drove off and somehow ended up at our church in the Chicago area. I sat in the parking lot for a long time, then went inside to the receptionist, my sweet friend. I was trying to hold back an ocean of tears when she asked if she should call Leo. I whispered, "Please Joy, just let me slip up to the balcony. Please. I just need God." She tearfully nodded.

I made my way through the large church avoiding everyone, slipping into a corner, or hiding behind the atrium columns. I literally could not breathe. The waves were pulling me under. Finally, upstairs in the huge auditorium...quiet, dimly lit, alone, I took a seat. 

I took out my journal prepared to pen my soul's desperation to My Lord. I sat staring painfully at blank pages. I cried. I had no words for the anguish I was feeling. I could find no words to describe what I wanted Him to know. I just kept crying and pleaded, "I need to die. You need to let me die." [I know some of you have experienced the depth of this kind of pain because we have talked; we have cried; we have grieved; we have hoped. And this was that.]

I lost track of time. Blank pages continue to stare back at me. I was tipping on the edge of despair. I slowly gathered my things and managed a whisper, "Lord, I pleaded for You, yet You have abandoned me." One second, two seconds, three seconds...bing. Someone text messaged me. I didn't care about a text or who might want something from me. I didn't pick up my phone. I just sat there. I needed to be "gone." Bing. A second notification that I received a text message. Already packed up, I paused to think, 'Just check it so you can then let it go.'

It was as though Heaven came down over me and wrapped me up in the arms of God when I read the message from one of my dearest friends. She wrote:

"I stopped driving to text you, my friend. God put you on my heart with urgency. I don't know what is going on or where you are, but He has prompted me to share Romans 8:26 with you this minute, 'Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.' I love you, Rebecca! Praying!"

I WAS RESCUED IN THE BALCONY! God heard me. He heard my cries. He used my friend to bring light into my darkness. A text to remind me that I AM NOT ALONE, and furthermore, when I cannot find the words, the HOLY SPIRIT groans on my behalf! Silence. Breath. HE HAD ME!

In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I called. From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry came to His ears. [2 Samuel 22:7]

Oh, the importance of what one might consider a simple text message! Oh, the blessing of obedience and listening to the promptings of the Holy Spirit! The giving may seem simple, but we may never know what the impact is on the other side.

In our pastor's Sunday message, one of his talking points was, "Excel in the grace of giving," based on 2 Corinthians 8:7, "But just as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us—see that you also excel in this grace of giving." As an example, our pastor mentioned the gift of a text message to encourage another, and I thought of my friend's special text from years ago, and it is as alive in my heart today as it was then.

After all the many ways the Body of Christ has poured out immeasurably and sacrificially on my family through this tragedy, I am humbly inspired to "excel in this grace of giving." For I have been RESCUED by this grace. RESCUED in the balcony. I love my friend who text me that desperate hour, and she knows! And I LOVE MY LORD who is never far away but rather close enough to hear when there are no words!

(ESV)