WONDERS IN THE DEEP

I was reminded Sunday of a memory triggered by our pastor’s latest sermon series titled, “Finish Well.” In the fall before Meagan’s “going home,” she decided to participate in our home group Bible study with a preface similar to, “I can only commit to a few visits of your ‘old folk’ group until I find a new Bible study of my own.”

With the curriculum came homework that she and I worked on while relaxing on our back deck in the Chicago-burbs. One particular day, we decided to discuss our answers. I distinctly remember thinking this would be some good mother-daughter time, but how I underestimated God’s plan! What I thought would be a “good” Bible study turned out to revolutionize my life and prepare me for what was to come.

I remember that particular day and Meagan’s countenance as we talked through our homework; how she relaxed on the patio chair with her feet propped up on the little side table. I remember her gently tapping the corner of her mouth with her pen as she spoke her responses. I believe I even remember what she was wearing. THAT’s the impact this moment had on me. And I remember my response to her response to one of the questions, “Hmmmm, I never really thought about it that way. I read the question differently. Hmmmm.”

“How did YOU answer the question, Rebecca?” (Yes, often she called me Rebecca.) Still captivated, I read my less-impressive answer though I knew it was biblically sound. She replied, “Well, I get that, but that’s the easy way out. If you read the question the way I did, what would your response be?” I said, “Let me think about it for a minute.” And I remember staring at my worn Bible, marked up, tabbed, highlighted, with scribbled notes throughout—29 years of studying it, inhaling it, and pursuing God through it. After a few minutes of silence, my heart spoke from a deeper place as we continued going through our homework together. Needless to say, I re-wrote some of my answers because I longed to stay in this deep place!

How is it that my 24-year-old daughter dove so easily into the depths for her answers? How is it that I did NOT? Did I take the easy way out so that I could quickly finish my work? Or was I sometimes more comfortable walking along the shore? 

Oh, I miss talking about GOD and life with Meagan. I love her passion and her intellect. I loved hearing her mind process her thoughts and struggles. I love how HE challenged me through her, and how HE would occasionally sting my soul. This was one of those times. And the sting came when she kindly said, “That’s the easy way out.” Yes, that was my easy response, the stock answer. Why did I not search every corner of my soul for fuller truth? More importantly, why did I not ask GOD to reveal my heart and wait for HIS thoughts on the matter?

Where are the curriculum study books now and what were those questions? Somewhere in our packed boxes safely stored away. Someday, I’ll come across them and get emotional because it seems like yesterday Meagan and I were on the back deck discussing theology and God’s Word, and yet sometimes it seems like forever ago! Regardless, I am quite certain that when I do come across our books, I will find after walking this journey of pain and grief and anger and forgiveness and redemption and grace, that my answers will be so radically different than before. When you’ve been blistered by the desert winds and experienced the deep ocean floors, answers come from a place never known before. MY pages will be tear-stained for the ONE I love. I had heard of HIM, but now my eyes have seen HIM (as Job so reverently stated in chapter 42:5.) I have experienced HIS grace in the darkest of hours, in the darkest of places. I will NEVER be the same! And I will NEVER pursue the easy way out! In fact, I have often said, “The God I serve is not a God of easy way outs!” HIS road is hard and often painful. HIS ways demand faith. HE chastises those HE loves. YET…HIS grace is endless. HIS love unconditional. HIS mercy new EVERY morning. You bet I struggle daily, but HE gives me strength to stand, to take the next step—no matter what my eyes DO NOT see. 

From the trials of Joseph sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, Daniel in the lion’s den, or David fleeing into caves for his life from paranoid King Saul. From the parting of the Red Sea and the Children of Israel walking through to safety. From God testing Abraham using his only son Isaac. From Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and the fiery furnace seven times hotter than usual. From Jesus’ disciples, some making their biggest impact from prison cells. To Jesus being called to die a sinner’s death on the cross for all mankind. GOD is not a GOD of easy way outs! HE IS, however, THE GOD who makes a way through! Isaiah 43:19 “I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Psalm 23:4 “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for YOU are with me…” Always a way through!

I no longer want to walk the spiritual beach. I want the deeper things. I want HIS mysteries that lie in the depths of the ocean. I want JESUS and to hear HIS voice that sometimes can be found in a gentle breeze, and often times ONLY in the fire! 

What is it that you want?

Psalm 107:23-24 “They that go down to the sea in ships,
that do business in great waters;
these see the works of the Lord,
and His wonders in the deep.”

Who among us is brave enough to pray the prayer of an old Cornishman from Streams in the Desert: “O Lord, send us out to sea—out in the deep water. Here we are so close to the rocks that the first bit of breeze with the devil, we are all knocked to pieces. Lord, send us out to sea—out in the deep water, where we shall have room enough to get a glorious victory.”