WATCH FOR HIS FINGERPRINTS

I woke up today as every day with Reality in my face and my urge to barrage the Lord with all of my “whys.” And, just like most every day, He gently quiets my soul and reminds me He is sovereign, He is faithful, and He has me. This morning, I am reminded of His ever-present fingerprints…sometimes hidden within my pain; sometimes as bright as the morning sun, like this one:

Meagan was convinced she had to have a particular costly designer watch that she had her eyes on for weeks. Many of her co-workers seemed to be in on it and I soon found myself outnumbered as she caressed the watch in my presence. Knowing she could sway her dad, we got him on the phone, and, of course, he said buy it if she wants it. So that Christmas, Meagan had one gift under our tree—the elegant, small-faced, bronze watch she said was made just for her.  It was beautiful as she was, and just as unique.

It was now spring when Meagan called and said she needed to talk with me and her dad. She told us that she had been laboring over something for two months. Something she was certain God put on her heart. A clear directive as if whispered into her ears while she literally felt a pat on her leg. He whispered the words, “It’s time.”

For two months, Meagan pressed God for more specifics. Yet, He gave her only this, she was to move from Nashville where she had lived her whole life to the Chicago-burbs where we were living at the time. She was certain that she heard His voice, and that this was a call to obedience, and felt confident that God would reveal “the why” once she made the move. She writes about this spiritual quest in her journal.  

So, she moved to the Chicago-burbs. Nine months after her move, Meagan and I prepared for the road trip that forever altered the dynamics of our family. This was a quick trip back to Nashville to see her newly married younger sister, and brother. Before leaving, she got in my face to clarify, “So no surprises, right? This is a jeans and sandals trip?” I confirmed, “Yes, a jeans and sandals trip. Going there and coming right back.” With that, I was surprised to see her come downstairs with only a tote bag and all in less than five minutes! 

The next night on our return home when our lives intersected with a drunk driver’s poor choice, and Meagan’s life was taken, I was utterly lost, confused, disoriented spiritually. I felt God had abandoned me, but I also believed, as we had prayed, that God holds all things in His sovereign hands, and nothing happens without His approval or intervention. Yet, I was lost, and my heart completely shattered.

After the crash and home from the hospital, our youngest daughter Melody brought Meagan’s cherished designer watch to me knowing I would want to put it up for safekeeping. I decided to wear it—as a way to be near Meagan. My sisters and Mom were with me as I sobbed over the watch and missing my Meagan. Then suddenly, I began gasping for air and crying, “Take it off! Please take it off! Take is off!” This is all I could manage to communicate in my shock as I tried desperately to remove the watch from my wrist! My sister Zoe quickly unclasped it and hugged me asking what was going on. I could barely speak. I was a mess of jumbled words and emotions as I tried to point out that her watch (the watch Meagan chose not to wear on this “jeans and sandals trip” and intentionally left behind) had stopped at the exact minute of her death!! Her watch that she left in her bedroom stopped as she took her last breath. 4:18. Meagan’s favorite watch forever paused on 4:18—the delicate crystal face marking her transformation from this life into eternal life with The Father.

We didn’t know what to do with this, but it did not take long for Leo and me to agree that God saw fit that we, as her parents, would be in need of a huge spiritual fingerprint to confirm that Meagan’s death was no surprise to Him and that He even foreknew the exact time of her death.

Our Great God is not confined by time. As for God, we cannot box Him in by the boundaries of time; yet, He does use time because we are creatures captured by it. I share this story of God’s sovereignty, of how it impacted Meagan and consequently Leo and me, but also to challenge you as we have been challenged, to inspire you, to hopefully break down some spiritual walls, and to ultimately give Him glory. 

God revealed His sovereignty in many ways during our tragedy over the years, this is only one. But, as I look at today and wonder “why,” I am reminded that HE is GOD and He is in control, and I am not. He does not owe us any explanations. Though He loves us, some things are not for us to know, and some things require trust and faith—two very difficult choices, daily choices. What is God trying to show you today? Do you see His fingerprints in your life? Whether storm or calm, He speaks. And if you are in a time of waiting—remember, He is also in the waiting. 

“My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand.” John 10:27-29 (NIV)

“All the days ordained for me
were written in Your book
before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16(NIV)

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

Tag. You’re it. 

WONDERS IN THE DEEP

I was reminded Sunday of a memory triggered by our pastor’s latest sermon series titled, “Finish Well.” In the fall before Meagan’s “going home,” she decided to participate in our home group Bible study with a preface similar to, “I can only commit to a few visits of your ‘old folk’ group until I find a new Bible study of my own.”

With the curriculum came homework that she and I worked on while relaxing on our back deck in the Chicago-burbs. One particular day, we decided to discuss our answers. I distinctly remember thinking this would be some good mother-daughter time, but how I underestimated God’s plan! What I thought would be a “good” Bible study turned out to revolutionize my life and prepare me for what was to come.

I remember that particular day and Meagan’s countenance as we talked through our homework; how she relaxed on the patio chair with her feet propped up on the little side table. I remember her gently tapping the corner of her mouth with her pen as she spoke her responses. I believe I even remember what she was wearing. THAT’s the impact this moment had on me. And I remember my response to her response to one of the questions, “Hmmmm, I never really thought about it that way. I read the question differently. Hmmmm.”

“How did YOU answer the question, Rebecca?” (Yes, often she called me Rebecca.) Still captivated, I read my less-impressive answer though I knew it was biblically sound. She replied, “Well, I get that, but that’s the easy way out. If you read the question the way I did, what would your response be?” I said, “Let me think about it for a minute.” And I remember staring at my worn Bible, marked up, tabbed, highlighted, with scribbled notes throughout—29 years of studying it, inhaling it, and pursuing God through it. After a few minutes of silence, my heart spoke from a deeper place as we continued going through our homework together. Needless to say, I re-wrote some of my answers because I longed to stay in this deep place!

How is it that my 24-year-old daughter dove so easily into the depths for her answers? How is it that I did NOT? Did I take the easy way out so that I could quickly finish my work? Or was I sometimes more comfortable walking along the shore? 

Oh, I miss talking about GOD and life with Meagan. I love her passion and her intellect. I loved hearing her mind process her thoughts and struggles. I love how HE challenged me through her, and how HE would occasionally sting my soul. This was one of those times. And the sting came when she kindly said, “That’s the easy way out.” Yes, that was my easy response, the stock answer. Why did I not search every corner of my soul for fuller truth? More importantly, why did I not ask GOD to reveal my heart and wait for HIS thoughts on the matter?

Where are the curriculum study books now and what were those questions? Somewhere in our packed boxes safely stored away. Someday, I’ll come across them and get emotional because it seems like yesterday Meagan and I were on the back deck discussing theology and God’s Word, and yet sometimes it seems like forever ago! Regardless, I am quite certain that when I do come across our books, I will find after walking this journey of pain and grief and anger and forgiveness and redemption and grace, that my answers will be so radically different than before. When you’ve been blistered by the desert winds and experienced the deep ocean floors, answers come from a place never known before. MY pages will be tear-stained for the ONE I love. I had heard of HIM, but now my eyes have seen HIM (as Job so reverently stated in chapter 42:5.) I have experienced HIS grace in the darkest of hours, in the darkest of places. I will NEVER be the same! And I will NEVER pursue the easy way out! In fact, I have often said, “The God I serve is not a God of easy way outs!” HIS road is hard and often painful. HIS ways demand faith. HE chastises those HE loves. YET…HIS grace is endless. HIS love unconditional. HIS mercy new EVERY morning. You bet I struggle daily, but HE gives me strength to stand, to take the next step—no matter what my eyes DO NOT see. 

From the trials of Joseph sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, Daniel in the lion’s den, or David fleeing into caves for his life from paranoid King Saul. From the parting of the Red Sea and the Children of Israel walking through to safety. From God testing Abraham using his only son Isaac. From Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and the fiery furnace seven times hotter than usual. From Jesus’ disciples, some making their biggest impact from prison cells. To Jesus being called to die a sinner’s death on the cross for all mankind. GOD is not a GOD of easy way outs! HE IS, however, THE GOD who makes a way through! Isaiah 43:19 “I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Psalm 23:4 “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for YOU are with me…” Always a way through!

I no longer want to walk the spiritual beach. I want the deeper things. I want HIS mysteries that lie in the depths of the ocean. I want JESUS and to hear HIS voice that sometimes can be found in a gentle breeze, and often times ONLY in the fire! 

What is it that you want?

Psalm 107:23-24 “They that go down to the sea in ships,
that do business in great waters;
these see the works of the Lord,
and His wonders in the deep.”

Who among us is brave enough to pray the prayer of an old Cornishman from Streams in the Desert: “O Lord, send us out to sea—out in the deep water. Here we are so close to the rocks that the first bit of breeze with the devil, we are all knocked to pieces. Lord, send us out to sea—out in the deep water, where we shall have room enough to get a glorious victory.”