WATCH FOR HIS FINGERPRINTS

I woke up today as every day with Reality in my face and my urge to barrage the Lord with all of my “whys.” And, just like most every day, He gently quiets my soul and reminds me He is sovereign, He is faithful, and He has me. This morning, I am reminded of His ever-present fingerprints…sometimes hidden within my pain; sometimes as bright as the morning sun, like this one:

Meagan was convinced she had to have a particular costly designer watch that she had her eyes on for weeks. Many of her co-workers seemed to be in on it and I soon found myself outnumbered as she caressed the watch in my presence. Knowing she could sway her dad, we got him on the phone, and, of course, he said buy it if she wants it. So that Christmas, Meagan had one gift under our tree—the elegant, small-faced, bronze watch she said was made just for her.  It was beautiful as she was, and just as unique.

It was now spring when Meagan called and said she needed to talk with me and her dad. She told us that she had been laboring over something for two months. Something she was certain God put on her heart. A clear directive as if whispered into her ears while she literally felt a pat on her leg. He whispered the words, “It’s time.”

For two months, Meagan pressed God for more specifics. Yet, He gave her only this, she was to move from Nashville where she had lived her whole life to the Chicago-burbs where we were living at the time. She was certain that she heard His voice, and that this was a call to obedience, and felt confident that God would reveal “the why” once she made the move. She writes about this spiritual quest in her journal.  

So, she moved to the Chicago-burbs. Nine months after her move, Meagan and I prepared for the road trip that forever altered the dynamics of our family. This was a quick trip back to Nashville to see her newly married younger sister, and brother. Before leaving, she got in my face to clarify, “So no surprises, right? This is a jeans and sandals trip?” I confirmed, “Yes, a jeans and sandals trip. Going there and coming right back.” With that, I was surprised to see her come downstairs with only a tote bag and all in less than five minutes! 

The next night on our return home when our lives intersected with a drunk driver’s poor choice, and Meagan’s life was taken, I was utterly lost, confused, disoriented spiritually. I felt God had abandoned me, but I also believed, as we had prayed, that God holds all things in His sovereign hands, and nothing happens without His approval or intervention. Yet, I was lost, and my heart completely shattered.

After the crash and home from the hospital, our youngest daughter Melody brought Meagan’s cherished designer watch to me knowing I would want to put it up for safekeeping. I decided to wear it—as a way to be near Meagan. My sisters and Mom were with me as I sobbed over the watch and missing my Meagan. Then suddenly, I began gasping for air and crying, “Take it off! Please take it off! Take is off!” This is all I could manage to communicate in my shock as I tried desperately to remove the watch from my wrist! My sister Zoe quickly unclasped it and hugged me asking what was going on. I could barely speak. I was a mess of jumbled words and emotions as I tried to point out that her watch (the watch Meagan chose not to wear on this “jeans and sandals trip” and intentionally left behind) had stopped at the exact minute of her death!! Her watch that she left in her bedroom stopped as she took her last breath. 4:18. Meagan’s favorite watch forever paused on 4:18—the delicate crystal face marking her transformation from this life into eternal life with The Father.

We didn’t know what to do with this, but it did not take long for Leo and me to agree that God saw fit that we, as her parents, would be in need of a huge spiritual fingerprint to confirm that Meagan’s death was no surprise to Him and that He even foreknew the exact time of her death.

Our Great God is not confined by time. As for God, we cannot box Him in by the boundaries of time; yet, He does use time because we are creatures captured by it. I share this story of God’s sovereignty, of how it impacted Meagan and consequently Leo and me, but also to challenge you as we have been challenged, to inspire you, to hopefully break down some spiritual walls, and to ultimately give Him glory. 

God revealed His sovereignty in many ways during our tragedy over the years, this is only one. But, as I look at today and wonder “why,” I am reminded that HE is GOD and He is in control, and I am not. He does not owe us any explanations. Though He loves us, some things are not for us to know, and some things require trust and faith—two very difficult choices, daily choices. What is God trying to show you today? Do you see His fingerprints in your life? Whether storm or calm, He speaks. And if you are in a time of waiting—remember, He is also in the waiting. 

“My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand.” John 10:27-29 (NIV)

“All the days ordained for me
were written in Your book
before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16(NIV)

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

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Prayer seems to come so easy for some. I love being around those who have been given the gift of prayer. Prayers obviously prompted by the Holy Spirit. Prayers that make you feel like you’ve just been ushered to the feet of God! Too often, my prayers are for me because I am so desperate for healing on so many levels. It is more difficult than it used to be for me to pray, because I can’t always see past my own pain and “spiritual weeds.” I pray for my family and friends and needs I am made aware of, but then again, I do not trust my own heart, so I take these matters before the Lord—desperate for the Holy Spirit to guide my words, my prayers. Desperate for the Holy Spirit to speak louder than my heart!

It was in the quiet morning hours when the Lord challenged me, “Ask ME how you should pray.” The silence captured my attention, and a transformation began. “How to pray” was a revelation I had after the tragedy, because the fact was magnified that I had NO CLUE what to pray, how to pray, or what God wanted me to pray. That’s the one that stung the most—how could I, Rebecca, possibly know the will of God in any situation, especially our tragedy? That’s when I learned to pray The Word, like my friend Carla. But to pray The Word like Carla, one must be saturated WITH The Word like Carla. And I was a sponge dying for life in the Scriptures! Praying The Word became a powerful safe place for me—the right place for me.

I wonder, how often do we approach the Lord and ask, “Lord, how do YOU want me to pray?” “How do YOU want me to pray for my friend, or how do YOU feel about this situation, so I can pray effectively?” “Holy Spirit, speak. I am listening.” If I love Jesus, and more importantly because HE LOVES ME, then should I not begin my prayer (after acknowledging His awesomeness and sovereignty), by asking, “What is on Your heart that I should pray?” It’s the pause before we pray. “The power of the pause,” as my friend Sharon would say.

I remember being approached to pray for someone soon after the crash—for someone who was diagnosed with a fatal illness. I was shocked that they trusted me because surely, they could see the condition of my heart. I felt they asked me to pray as though I now had some special connection to the Throne Room of God. (I confess, that was my crippled thinking at the time.) In a state of panic, I whispered, “Dear Lord, help me, because they are praying for healing as though it is Your will; when in fact, I know full well that no one knows the mind of God. How dare we presume to know what Your will is. We don’t know Your thoughts. We don’t know Your ways. Your “perfect will” might be to relieve this brother and take him home. You may very well want him home!” “HOME”—that thought came crashing down on me like an avalanche! A depiction our youngest daughter painted after God took our daughter Meagan, “Mom, maybe God took Meagan because He wanted her with Him. Why wouldn’t He?” Stopped in my tear-filled tracks! Yes! Why wouldn’t He? And my prayer life changed forever!

In Isaiah 55 it is written, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” The crash, “the valley of the shadow of death,” the loss, the trauma, the brokenness, the struggle, the grace, the miracles, the ever-reaching arms of Christ, the ever-forgiving heart of the Father, the leading of the Holy Spirit—all factors that began to re-shape the way I pray.

TRUTH…God does what He pleases, when He pleases, to/for whom He pleases. And He does what He chooses for His glory and our good. Whatever He chooses. When He chooses. Our Sovereign God will accomplish what He wills, when He wills, as in Psalm 135, “Whatever the LORD pleases, He does, in heaven and in earth, in the seas and in all deeps.” 

When will our petitions reflect what HE wants rather than our own desires? When will our hearts pray spontaneously, “THY will be done.” This is a continual battle, is it not? Shamefully, I admit that I fear His will or don’t always like the outcome of some of my prayers. But that is just evidence that I am still a huge work in progress. And things won’t change for any of you who are like me until we put ourselves daily in a position of surrender; a posture of relinquished prayer; a true and honest acceptance and assurance that He is God, and He holds ALL things in the palms of His mighty hands.

God used Romans 11 Doxology to put me “in my place” regularly when I dared to question why He allowed this tragedy to befall us. In fact, He used my friend and pastor’s wife Sue years ago to challenge me with this passage in an ever-so-gentle fashion. As she read the Doxology out loud, I retained it immediately as though she was writing it upon my heart. The sheer truth in it changed me forever! It put me in my “right place,” but it also gave me power! POWER to PRAY against the enemy and his schemes, and the POWER to STAND because My God is THE ONE TRUE GOD, and nothing or no one can touch me or mine unless HE chooses! By the grace of God, there is a crazy comfort in that TRUTH.

Romans 11—Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
    How unsearchable His judgments,
    and His paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
    Or who has been His counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God,
    that God should repay them?”
For from Him and through Him and for Him are ALL things.
    To Him be the glory forever! Amen.

Oh, if our prayers would mirror the above passage! How much more effective our petitions would be if we acknowledged Him for Who He is, then asked Him how we should pray, and then listened even when the silence is awkward. Those prayers prompted by the Holy Spirit, I feel, would have an impact we never dreamed. Those are the prayers that birth miracles! Those prayers would be "out of the box" prayers—because God lives and thinks out of the box! Out of the box are where miracles happen! Out of the box is where I want to live.

O Lord, teach me to do Your will, for You are my God. As Meagan wrote in her Bible, “Lord God, may I no longer see with my own eyes, but with Yours! In all things!” And so, she does! May it be so for me and you here on earth and in heaven. May we no longer pray with tunnel vision but with YOUR ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE. May we pray Your heart. And then, please give us the strength to bear Your response and walk boldly in it. Speak, Lord, we are listening.

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